So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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