Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
