what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
