ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
