just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
