It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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