I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
