I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
