i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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