I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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