Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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