My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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