He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
