just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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