The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
