Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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