No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
