I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
