UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
