Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
