oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
