Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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