.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
