I wanna bring you to show and tell
People in love make me want to vomit
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
