There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
