We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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