so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
this hospital has no fireball
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
