Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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