some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize