I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
