I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
