I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize