Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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