So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
