Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
