At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
