Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
