The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
