You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
