If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
