Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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