I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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