Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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