He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
