your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
