After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
