Nicole vs. Life
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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