Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Randomize
