I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
