WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
