dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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