lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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