Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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