i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She bit a glass in half.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
