Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
