I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize