No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
