I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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