Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
