That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
