i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
