so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
