No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
