You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
