my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If I die, sorry about rent.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
