I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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