he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize