Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Drunk is not a location!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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