Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
