i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Can you bring me the toilet please
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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