Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
