I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She bit a glass in half.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
