brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
