Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
