my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
