he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
