How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize