YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
