My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize