I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize