I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
