Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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