when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
