Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
tell me about the fingering
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
