i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
