I hate your face
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
