She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
