In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
