I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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