I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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