soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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