My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
