are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
