The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize