If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
