Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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