Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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